Saturday, June 23, 2018
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Don't Send Your Loved One To Prison Without It!
Are you about to start a lengthy prison sentence? Are you tired of all your contraband being covered in urine droplets and smegma? If you have a vagina (google it if you're not sure), then you will absolutely love MyPursy®, available at upscale Dollar Trees near you. We spent YEARS in the laboratory trying to get our product just right. And just as we were about to give up on it, we finally got MyPursy® licked.
That's right, our product holds all of your valuables clean as a whistle. Not a whistle you would want to put in your mouth necessarily. It even has extra long, barely noticeable straps for easy retrieval.
There are many styles of straps that you can collect. Here's a few.
We even have a glow-in-the-dark strap for nighttime removal.
Hear what our customers are saying.
MyPursy® has a secret shiv pouch that never allows it to get dull. You'll be able to carve up your cellmate and then the Thanksgiving turkey with ease.
Our purses even come in a larger size for you hookers out there.
Not only that, but they are even customizable with your own personal photos.
Since our hoo-ha holders are made with the finest grade possum leather, they need treated occasionally with Summer's Eve MyPursy® Cleaner. Just squirt some on your finger and rub MyPursy®. Make sure to rub it good and long. After awhile, you will have it back to that original leather scent. You'll just love the smell of MyPursy®.
And don't forget the accessory you'll wonder how you ever lived without, the MyPursy® cooking bag inserts. Just insert food into the foil bag, insert the foil bag into MyPursy® and then insert it into yourself. In just a matter of minutes, your body heat will cook up the tastiest batch of russet potatoes this side of Cell Block D (reduce cooking time on heavy queef days). Don't forget to share!
COMING SOON! Why should women be the only ones smuggling in contraband effortlessly? For you men out there, we are about to release the Buttholster®. It can hold everything from your toothbrush to $6.75 in quarters in a somewhat airtight container.
That's right, our product holds all of your valuables clean as a whistle. Not a whistle you would want to put in your mouth necessarily. It even has extra long, barely noticeable straps for easy retrieval.
There are many styles of straps that you can collect. Here's a few.
We even have a glow-in-the-dark strap for nighttime removal.
Have fun trading them with your friends.
MyPursy® has a secret shiv pouch that never allows it to get dull. You'll be able to carve up your cellmate and then the Thanksgiving turkey with ease. Our purses even come in a larger size for you hookers out there.
Not only that, but they are even customizable with your own personal photos.
Since our hoo-ha holders are made with the finest grade possum leather, they need treated occasionally with Summer's Eve MyPursy® Cleaner. Just squirt some on your finger and rub MyPursy®. Make sure to rub it good and long. After awhile, you will have it back to that original leather scent. You'll just love the smell of MyPursy®.
And don't forget the accessory you'll wonder how you ever lived without, the MyPursy® cooking bag inserts. Just insert food into the foil bag, insert the foil bag into MyPursy® and then insert it into yourself. In just a matter of minutes, your body heat will cook up the tastiest batch of russet potatoes this side of Cell Block D (reduce cooking time on heavy queef days). Don't forget to share!
ORDER YOURS TODAY!!!!!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
How Am I Supposed To Carve The Willy?!
Meanwhile in Michelangelo's Studio . . .
Pulled from our casefamily5 YouTube page.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Cityscape art project that about made me cuckoo for cocoa puffs
So I had this idea for an artwork literally kicking around in my head for closing in on 30 years. I knew it was going to be a tremendous amount of work so it took me this long to pull the trigger on it.
Four long months and an obsession later, it's finally done and here is the result. It's projects like this where I truly understand when an artist says that the hardest part of making art is just knowing when you are done. I was "done" with this one a dozen times.
Four long months and an obsession later, it's finally done and here is the result. It's projects like this where I truly understand when an artist says that the hardest part of making art is just knowing when you are done. I was "done" with this one a dozen times.
For example, the "first" time I was done, I then decided to make all of the vehicles instead of using the Hot Wheels I had purchased. The 2nd to last time I was "really done this time," I then decided to put curtains in the windows.
It is mostly made out of 1/4" foam board, thin chipboard, cork, carved toothpicks and carved wooden skewers. The absolute only thing not done by my hand is the people. They were purchased from Hobby Lobby.
This is the mock-up I made first just to see if I could even do it.
And this is the final result. The following are close-ups of some areas and other angles.
Oh yeah, and I made it light up.
Thanks for looking.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
...Aaaannndddd following Pauly Shore, but not quite as funny, it's ....
Oh, the things a bored, idiot 2nd shift worker does when no one is around.
Friday, September 25, 2015
For all you senior citizen drivers out there. . .
Have you been driving since the Model T was the "it" car to have? Are your sketchy kids telling you to hang up your driving cap and goggles because they are worried you will get confused and lost before reaching your final destination? After taking them over your knee, tell them to quit worrying because Garglin® brand GPS has taken all of the guess work out of driving for the elderly or Hell, even the legally blind with our new. . .
GARGLIN LARGE PRINT GPS®.
Just find someone with enough strength left in their body to open the package for you. Then try to work up some saliva to stick the suction cup to the windshield (if not, denture cup water works just as well). Get 9 or 10 of your fellow nursing home cronies to help lift it onto the suction cup. Finally, coerce your 4 year old great grandchild to program it for you and you're off. It's just that easy.
I mean why should you quit driving just because you're old? I bet there's still some stuff left on your block that you haven't even hit yet. And why limit yourselves to just blocking the aisles at the grocery store. . .
when you prune-faced geezers could also be blocking lanes of traffic with tales of your health woes and stories about the time your grandchild made you a potholder out of an old sock?
So load up, set the GPS for Heaven (or Hell, you dog you) and visit all of your old friends. Pay no never mind that you can't actually see out the windshield anymore but let's face it, at your age and level of eyesight, does that really even matter anymore?
However if ridiculous things like "seeing" or "knowing your surroundings" are important to you when you are driving, you may want to purchase our new accessory, the Garglin Periscope®.
Garglin® is not responsible for black permanent marker rings around eyeballs by drunk friends who think they are funny.
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