Brushes with the Famous and Kinda Famous

After yesterday's post, I feel that I should share the rest of my brushes with B, C, D and maybe even Z list celebrities (if there is such a thing).  My first brush with fame came when I was just a wee lad at the Contemporary Resort at Disney World, Florida.  We were by the pool and who was there but Chubby Checker himself.  I wasn't too sure who he was because this was before my time, even in the mid 1970's.  He actually helped my mom out of the pool.  Sorry, I have no pictures of this as I am not sure cameras had been invented yet. :)

Many years later, I met and shook the hand of "American Pie" singer Don McLean at the Decatur, IL Celebration in the early 1990's.  I did not have one shrapnel of paper to get an autograph on so I dug a paper plate out of the garbage and used that.  It must have had an elephant ear on it because the marker didn't stick too well to the powdered sugar and thus, the autograph has not survived.  That weird trapezoidal looking thing is where it used to be.  It wound up that shape because I had to cut around the grease stains from the elephant ear.

It was in the mid 1990's when I met Barry Williams (Greg from the Brady Bunch).  He was signing autographs at Eastland Mall in Bloomington, IL to promote his new book "Growing Up Brady".  I can't believe I am telling this but I actually tried to sneak a pee in the parking lot (it was night) before we went in only to get in there and see that the wind had blown it on the front of my jeans.  I tied my coat around my waist and it was all good, kinda.  I have to say that he wasn't the friendliest fellow but maybe it was because I smelled like pee.

John Kay was the only original member of Steppenwolf left when I saw them at the Macon County Fair in Illinois in the mid 1990's.  That's okay, though, because I always say that everyone else in the band can be changed and they still sound the same. However, if you lose the lead singer, you might as well just call it a new band.  It was awesome hearing him sing "Magic Carpet Ride" and "Born To Be Wild" from 5 feet away.  They were actually playing in a beer tent with about 20 people in it, whom 12 of them were my friends.  INCREDIBLE.  I got to shake his hand when they were done.

TK Wendel's was a bar/softball complex out in the country of Champaign, IL that would set up stages in the outfields.  Also, in the mid 1990's, they would host previous popular bands from my day there.  A couple that I saw were Cheap Trick and Kansas.  They were the original bands.  I was so close at Cheap Trick that my arm was resting on the stage.  I met and shook hands with Kansas.  The downer of the night was that I was in line for the porta potty when Kansas played "Dust in the Wind".

Bloomington, IL used to host an Old House Fair at the David Davis mansion back in the late 1990's.  I was working carpentry at that time and one of my heroes, Norm Abram, was going to speak there.  He gave a nice speech, took questions from the crowd, and then signed autographs.  I was in awe to be next to the master craftsmen.

Finally, I got a text one night that the guy from American Pickers was at the Clinton, IL Eagles.  I thought that this was possible because he had been spotted around Bloomington a few times.  My son Callahan confirmed this by saying that he had seen him at McDonald's earlier.  Andi and I headed up there and sure enough, there he was. Another chap with him that wasn't the friendliest took the picture for me and then they confiscated my beer after the picture was over.  I guess they didn't want beer in the picture since he represents a network, but then why go to a bar?  It was too late so they just gave it back, but I will crop it out of the photo to be nice.

Well, I think that's it for my brushes with famous people.  On my next blog, I would like to show you famous places I went to when we were in California.  Leave me comments telling me about your run-ins with the famous.  I would love to read them.

The Informant - 2 Thumbs down. I just wish I had more thumbs.

It's a slow news day so I will rehash one of the coolest days of my life.  This was my day on the set of the Matt Damon movie "The Informant".  As you can probably tell, I wasn't a big fan of the movie.  I tried to like it, but just didn't.  This was the Backlot by the Decatur Courthouse.

I thought this guy looked like Charlie Newman (Brandi Alsup's dad).  To him, I was the weirdo taking a picture of a complete stranger.

Here I am by one of the studio trucks.  Notice that I am missing my goatee.  They made me shave it after pretty much having it since the 1980's.

We were fed in this Backlot tent.  They put out a breakfast, lunch and supper and let us mill around all we wanted.  There was a rope barrier between the extras and the cast but we weren't chastised for mingling.

This was the actual Backlot area with the Star's trailers, makeup, and wardrobe.  It was fun playing "movie star" being on the other side of the barricades as I walked out of the courthouse after filming.  I could hear whispers of "Who is he?" and "Is he anybody?". But my ego was deflated very quickly as I heard someone say "Nah, he's nobody." Uh, excuse you. My mommy thinks I'm somebody. 

Joel McHale and I getting to know each other for 3 seconds.

Patton Oswalt with a cup of keg beer.  I didn't see the keg anywhere.  It must be good to be the king.

The director Steven Soderbergh probably lining up Pauly Shore for his next blockbuster.

Joel McHale and Scott Bakula mingling with the crowd.

Another one of Scott Bakula signing autographs.

Everyone thought that Matt Damon's bodyguard looked like George Clooney.    Me, Damon, and Affleck always like to tease 'ol Georgie Boy about this whenever we get together.

I spotted Matt Damon in this vehicle pulling out of the Backlot.  Like an idiot, I yelled "There he is".   This caused everyone within a 100 miles to run in that direction, thus making it much harder for me to get a photo op.

Me giving the thrill of a lifetime to that other guy.

If Matt Damon ever asks you if he can pick your brain, RUN!  (okay, just a bored guy with Photoshop on this one).

And here it is.  The big screen movie debut of Corey Case in The Informant (or half of me anyways).   Don't blink at moment 1:38:36 in the movie and you will see half of me. Someone stole my other 14 minutes and 59 seconds of fame.  I blame Kate Gosselin.

Did you notice that fine acting?  I wasn't really writing, just "acting" like it.  I deserve half of an Oscar.  I was up for the role of "half of wedding guest number 128" in The Wedding Crashers and "half of football player in locker room" in a Right Guard commercial.   I keep getting typecast.  Maybe I need a new headshot.

I was so integral that they spelled my name wrong.  Thank God I was still able to cash my check.  I needed it to break even on my costume (yes, I had to supply my own, so I had to hit all of the thrift stores in Bloomington to get 1990's dress clothes).

Want half my autograph?

I Hope TruGreen Chemlawn Has a Good Hearing Plan

Well, I told you in my bio that I would cover some instances where people got what my wife calls "the wrath of Corey".  This one reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry gets a telemarketer call.  It went something similar to this.

Jerry-Hello.

Telemarketer-Hello, I was wondering if you would be interested in switching over to TMI for your long distance carrier.

Jerry-Gee, I can't talk right now.  Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later.

Telemarketer-Uh, we're not allowed to do that.

Jerry-I guess you don't want people calling you at home.

Telemarketer-No.

Jerry-Well now you know how I feel.

You can watch it here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hllDWSbuDsQ&playnext=1&list=PL875065E241F79B5C

     Mine involves some profanity though.  It occurred probably about 1999 when I was still on night shift.  I got off work at 7 a.m., got the kids ready for school and then took them.  Usually about 9 a.m., I was wound down enough to go to sleep.  One Monday, the phone rang at 11 a.m.  It was TruGreen Chemlawn with a sales pitch.  This was before the "Do Not Call" list and you had to physically ask them to be taken off the list (which I did).  I politely hung up after my request.   

     Well, Tuesday rolls around and I get another call in the morning.  I am still polite at this point and remind them that yesterday, I asked to be taken off the list.  Wednesday morning hits and guess what, another call followed by one Thursday and Friday.  By Friday, all bets are off.  

     People asked my why I didn't just take the phone off the hook.  As I stated, I had small children in school and a wife that worked in Bloomington.  I had to be accessible. Anyway, on Friday's call, I picked up the phone, listened to their pitch very politely. Then, I acted very interested.  I kept talking like I was going to give them a big deal. Then I said, "Are you listening?  Listen really closely now.  You can't screw this order up.  You listening really closely?"  "Yes," they said. Then I screamed "F********************K  YYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!" into the phone as loudly and slowly as humanly possible before slamming down the receiver.   

     This may seem harsh to some people but you know what, it ended the perpetual loop of calls that were waking me up every day.  I also filed a report with the Better Business Bureau.  A few years later, I was out trimming my bushes and they stopped their truck and walked up to give me a sales pitch.  I told them that I absolutely hate their company and that I turned them in to the Better Business Bureau, so just keep walking.  If the guy had a hearing aid, I might have been guilted into listening to his pitch.

Feel the Love (Insult Letters #1)

     My sister and I work in the same office.  For years now, I have walked by my mailbox every day and there is NEVER anything in there.  In fact, I truly think that the only things I have ever had in there were the updated inter-office phone lists.  That is except for what I am about to tell you about.  

     One day a few years ago, the secretary told my sister that she always felt sorry for me because she thought I looked so disappointed every day when there was nothing in there.  My sister took this as an opportunity to kick a guy when he's down, then spit in his eye, and rub salt in his wound.  Let's see, did I forget any cliches.  Nope, got 'em all. I came in after my sister/secretary exchange to a note in my mailbox.  I was walking on sunshine (damn, more cliches).  I don't think my feet touched the floor all the way to my desk.  I opened my note only to find a flurry of insults.  

     This led to years of back and forth insults that still go on to this day (even though she takes 6 months to come up with one now. I blame intelligence problems).  Here are an actual exchange of insults between us.  I will periodically show you some of our insult letters.

KEYBOARD TIP! - Hold the control key down and hit the + (plus) sign to zoom in or control key and - (minus) sign to zoom out. Finally, hold the control key down and hit 0 (zero) to go back to the original page size. If you have a MAC, just get your butler to read the damn thing to you.

And my response, see below.

Worst Corporate Mascots EVER!

I can't be the only one who is scared to death of this guy.

I am sure he rules with an iron fist.  Wonder what kind of meat's in the Whopper?  Let's just say that peasants keep disappearing all over the Burger Kingdom.  Ask what's in the Whopper and you might be next. That icy cold stare.  That giant ceramic head.  Remove the crown and he looks like every serial killer I've ever read about.  Equal to this terrifying figure....

Smiling Bob, the Enzyte guy.  He looks like he would shake your hand at a party, pull you in close to tell you an improper joke and then eat your face off.  If I was ever surrounded by Michael Myers, Jason, and Smiling Bob, Jason and Michael would get trampled to death from me trying to get away from Smiling Bob.  I'm not sure an erection is worth becoming one of the undead.

Hey horror movie makers, screw Freddy vs. Jason.  You want to make a truly terrifying movie, how about Burger King guy vs. Smiling Bob.  I have nightmares just thinking about it.

10 Things I have learned from watching Disney Channel and Nickelodeon

I watch Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel.  I would like to say it is because I have small children so I have to, but they aren’t that small anymore.  Okay, I watch those channels a lot.  One might even call it an addiction.  It’s almost like being an alcoholic. Yes, I watch Disney Channel to make myself feel better.  Yes, I watch Disney Channel when I’m by myself.  Yes, I am ashamed of my Disney Channel watching.  Yes, I hide my Disney Channel watching from others.  But there is no support group that I know of for that.  Sometimes, my wife will come in and proclaim to the family “NO MORE DISNEY CHANNEL!”  So we change the channel.  Then, a commercial comes on for some wiener cream, and it’s right back to the Disney Channel.  Now to the point.

10 THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM THE DISNEY CHANNEL AND NICKELODEON

1.  No matter how bratty or how much trouble a child gets into, just wait it out.  They will do the right thing in 28 minutes.

2.  As long as no one looks directly at you, it is possible to move large mammals around hotels undetected.

3.  It is always safe to let small children roam around large cities freely and unchaperoned.

4.  All kidnapping laws are null and void as long as a mascot costume is involved.

5.  Similar to Superman, a wig will make your face and voice virtually unrecognizable to even your closest friends.

6.  When it comes to sneaking out, anything from a Biology skeleton to a stack of books can be passed off for a sleeping kid as long as there is a baseball cap on it.

7.  It is perfectly normal for students to have a much closer relationship to their principal than to their parents, grandparents, or siblings.

8.  Friends always have every class together including lunch and it makes no difference if there is a large gap in age or intelligence.

9.  Potbelly pigs make great cappucinos.

10.  You can fit numerous coats, 1 small table, 1 ironing board, 1 big screen t.v., 1 bed, 2 chamber maids, 2 room service waiters, 1 carpet installer, 1 delivery guy, 1 masseuse, 3 friends, and 2 brothers in a 6 by 6 3/4 foot closet.

Oscar Mayer's Wiener

The following video is from when I was in college at Eastern Illinois University.  Now keep in mind this was 1990, so please don't hold anyone accountable for any mullets you might witness.  The house that we were living in was so shitty that one day while the 5 of us were watching t.v., 5 ceiling tiles fell and a mound of blown in insulation fell all over the couch and floor.  We all just looked at each other, shrugged, and went right back to watching t.v.  One day, my bud John who lived on the other side of the duplex shut the refrigerator door on me (only in a college town could they turn a 1000 square foot house into an 8 bedroom duplex-no joke).  Check out my revenge.  But mostly, check out that fridge.  I think it was the next model up from the kind where the cooling element was a big block of ice.  It was cool though because it actually had a foot pedal that opened the door.  So if your hands were full of groceries, you could set them right in.

His face is priceless.  He was so relieved to see that it was Oscar Mayer's wiener and not mine.  Here, let's check out his face again.

And a close up.

Sheer terror.